The Gift

I teach first graders how to write and read. When the year starts, those 40 little 6 year olds don’t  remember me from seeing me last year on the hallways or from coming to their classrooms sometimes to talk to their kindergarten teacher. They do not know me. But I have a plan, a goal to have all those kids reading and writing by the end of first grade. During the first month of school I strive to develop a good relationship with each one of them to help them to trust me. They need to trust that I will teach them the right way to write the letters, pair them together into syllables, and to eventually write a sentence. They need to trust that I will show them the right way to pronounce each letter, the right way to pair them together to be able to read three letter words, and eventually read that sentence that they write. But they also need to trust me when I tell them that they are getting better, when I show them that even though they made a mistake, they are progressing. They need to believe me completely when I tell them that I love them and that I love their everyday efforts to write “mama” , even when they make mistakes. After that first month I have all the student’s trust. Then I start teaching them sounds and names of the letters. In all my years of teaching I have found that there are always one or two that doubt.  Not so much in my ability to teach them, because they are 6 years old after all, but they doubt in their ability to learn, to get better, and to become what I know they can become by the end of first grade. Those are the ones that give up by the end of the first month of learning letters. But I love them anyway, and I give them another chance. There are also those who get distracted by outside influences. They decide to give more attention to those influences than to me, so by the end of that first month they have not learned the letters because they have not done their work. But I love them anyway and I give them another chance. I also have the ones that work hard, do their best, listen to my instructions but when they make mistakes they get disappointed. They feel like they are not good at writing and reading, they listen to those outside voices that tell them that they are too slow, or too dumb, or that they will never learn because of this or that factor. They are embarrassed to show me their work on a very dirty, overly erased piece of paper. They think I will be mad at them, that I will not let them do it over again, that I will stop loving them. By the end of that first month they have learned some of the letters, but they feel disappointed and put themselves down. But I love them still and I give them another chance. On the other hand, I have the students who do their work, listen to me, believe in me, trust me and are accountable for their own mistakes. They don’t give up if they can’t write the letter “m” on Monday, they just keep erasing and trying, until they rip their paper. Then they come and ask me for a blank, clean one, and they start over again. They know I will not get mad at them for ripping the page. They trust me enough to ask me as many times as they need to for that clean, blank new piece of paper.  By the end of that first month, they are able to write and read words on their own. They  usually start writing with invented spelling, and I still love them! When it is time for me to do an assessment, I know these kids well, and I love each one of them as my own, I know their struggles and their needs. When I do that assessment of each one,  I know what they have gone through during that learning process. My heart aches for those that feel like they can reach the mark. I show them how they can, and we make a plan to start over again. I show them more love, more patience. I show them I am there for them. My heart also aches for the ones that decided to play instead of work, but I love them anyway, and I give them another chance to succeed. And the ones that did great, I show them my love and I challenge them to do more. I ask them to go and help those that are struggling, because they can do it already.

Today, in church I was reminded of this at a spiritual level. How I am that first grade student coming to this life without remembering my Father in Heaven. Along the way He shows me His plan for me to become what He knows I can become. He shows me how I can have faith in Him and believe in Him and His plan to be what He knows I can be. He is the teacher.  Along the journey of my life I have been the student who has doubt. I have doubted my ability to be what He wants me to be. I have doubted Him and His plan, but He has loved me anyway and has given me another chance. I have become distracted with work, friends, entertainment. I’ve listened to worldly influences so much that I do not feed my Spirit, and I am empty  at the end. But He reminds me  of His great love, of His great plan of happiness and He gives me another chance.  And when I  have made mistakes, when I haven’t reached the mark, and I am feeling ashamed; when I have worked hard but fell short, and feel disappointed; when I don’t even feel like I can go to Him because He might be mad or disappointed at me He shows me more love, more patience , more compassion. And then he shows me His plan again and gives me another chance. When I do great, when I keep His commandments, He shows me His love and He challenges me to do more. He asks me to go and help those around me that are struggling because I  know how to do it, I can minister  others.  I was reminded today of the great gift of repentance, and his great love for me. I can say that I cherish the gift of repentance and I am so grateful for His eternal atonement for me and His love and patience to this very imperfect first grade student.